In the world of dating, nice guys finish last, right? Yup. Unfortunately, in our society, that happens to be true much of the time. But what about nice girls? Do they finish last, too? Well, let’s discuss it.
I’m thinking about this issue because, a little over two weeks ago, I watched the season finale of a well known television program called The Bachelor: a show that had been captivating my attention for the previous 12 weeks. My feelings about the show itself are normally lukewarm, but this past season, ABC chose “Jake” to be the star. Jake is an attractive, seemingly intelligent commercial pilot, who’s a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic and “nice guy who always finishes last.” In support of this claim, Jake was kicked off the previous season of The Bachelorette about halfway through the paring-down process. However, he has a nature so gentle, kindness that runs so deeply, and a demeanor so wonderfully sweet, that he touched the hearts of almost every female viewer (including myself). So by popular demand, he was chosen to be the star of this season’s show.
Like always, The Bachelor season started off with a group of 25 single women that, week by week, was whittled away as Jake came closer to choosing the one woman he intended to marry. Being as soft as Marshmallow Fluff, Jake tended to keep the sweetest, most warm-hearted women of the bunch. Except for one rotten apple: an unemployed, moderately crass, 23-year-old girl named Vienna, who has a personality so abrasive that she managed to make almost every other woman on the show despise her. When the season was in its last weeks, I was surprised that Jake was eliminating ostensibly quality women in favor of Vienna. Still, I never worried about him choosing her to be his wife. After all, she was competing with Tenley: an incredibly mature, yet energetic 25-year-old woman, who possesses the type of selfless warmth and unfettered optimism that one may encounter only once in a lifetime. And, like Jake, she has been very unlucky in love. If Jake’s kindness can be compared to Marshmallow Fluff, than Tenley’s is like Marshmallow Fluff covered in whipped cream, topped with maraschino cherries. In short, she is Jake…in female form. We were watching destiny in the making.
Thus, it was no surprise when Tenley was chosen as one of the last two women standing. What was surprising, however, was the woman who was standing with her: Vienna. Every week, I was hoping for Jake to give Vienna the boot, but for reasons that I couldn’t understand, the girl seemed to have tremendous staying power.
The season finale was set to air on March 1st. This is when the country would finally find out who Jake would choose to be his new fiancée.
On the big day, Jake waited alone on one of the islands of St. Lucia, standing at the end of a long aisle that overlooked the ocean, holding a diamond ring, which he would give to one woman, while practicing a “Sorry, but I like the other girl better” speech, which he would give to the other.
Tenley and Vienna were on a different island of St. Lucia waiting to be air-lifted in separate helicopters to Jake’s island, where they would arrive one after the other. Last season, on the finale of The Bachelorette, the first man to arrive and ask for Jillian’s hand in marriage was the one who got kicked to the curb. I thought this made a lot of sense. Jillian rejected Bachelor #1 first, so when Bachelor #2 arrived to propose to her, she could enjoy the moment, knowing that the daunting task of breaking a man’s heart was in the past. I figured the order would be the same in the case of Tenley and Vienna. The woman whose helicopter landed first would be the one to get the axe.
In the hours leading up to Jake’s big decision, the cameras follow both Tenley and Vienna as they primp for this life-altering moment. As Tenley gets ready to see the man she has spent 12 weeks falling in love with, we see her applying her makeup while wearing a strapless, gold-toned, floor-length flowing gown, and a pair of shiny gold stilettos.
Then we see Vienna, also applying makeup, and trying to decide between two different sets of ugly earrings, while wearing an asymmetrical teal gown that looked like a bridesmaid’s dress she found in a 70% bin off at the Bridal Barn.
When the women are ready to meet Jake, we see each one climb aboard a helicopter that lifts off in the direction of Jake’s proposal spot. They both appear to be dying with anxiety, just praying that the other girl has already landed, gotten the rejection speech, and left for home in tears.
One of the choppers descends onto a landing pad in the middle of a field of 12-inch tall blades of green grass. Upon landing, we, of course, are wondering…who will come out? Will it be Tenley or Vienna? (Well, we’re all sure it’s going to be Vienna, but the moment is nerve-wracking, nonetheless.)
The helicopter door finally slides open. The camera then focuses on the ground as we see a foot step down.
Uh oh.
The foot is wearing…a gold shoe.
What the hell?
Then we see the bottom of a flowing, gold dress.
Wait a minute! Why has Tenley arrived first?!
I was hoping the network was trying to throw us off the trail by having Jake reject Bachelorette #2. Or that maybe some crafty post-show editor hadn’t obeyed the rules of chronological order. I was worried, though.
Tenley is then greeted by the host of the show, Chris Harrison, who leads her up a series of outdoor steps toward Jake’s proposal spot. When Tenley finally spots her would-be future husband standing in front of the sparkling ocean, her face beams with joy. She can’t wait to say “yes!” to the man of her dreams.
She then walks alone down that long aisle, and she and Jake share a warm hug. Jake takes her by the hands and looks down, presumably to gather his thoughts. Finally, he looks up and begins to speak.
Jake: Umm…
He smiles.
Jake: We have had such an amazing time getting to know each other. And there are just so many things that I…I love about you.
That’s nice. Get to the point. Ask her to marry you.
Jake: I love that we have the same morals, the same values, the same temperament…
Jake’s face is now expressing a look of concern.
Oh no.
Jake: [And I love] your smile and your positivity.
You love her SMILE??? Oh god…that has “consolation” written all over it. Jake, if you dump this girl, I might have to kill you.
Jake swallows hard and shakes his head as his eyes fill with moisture. Then he looks down, for the second time.
Oh, COME ON!!!
Jake: And I do love you…
You have GOT to be kidding!!
When he looks back up, his misty eyes have turned red and bloodshot as the tears of a saddened, guilt-ridden man begin to stream down his face.
I cannot believe this.
Jake: And you’re just perfect…
Well, if she’s perfect, then…get down on your FUCKING knee and ASK HER TO MARRY YOU!!!!
Jake: And I don’t know what it is. Something just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know why.
Dammit, Jake! You two are SOUL MATES!!!
Tenley shakes her head and her eyes fill with tears. Her smile has long since disappeared.
Tenley: I took this very seriously.
You bet she did, Jake!
Tenley: And I’m looking for a man who’s going to love me for everything that I am. And I want you to be completely honest with yourself, so I appreciate it…as much as it hurts.
Oh my god…
Tenley: I don’t know what you think is missing. But thank you for showing me what I could have……………………And I believe, because of you, that I can love…..and that I can let somebody love me.
She’s thanking you. You’re destroying this woman’s heart and she’s thanking you! Take it in while you can, Mr. Nice Guy. Vienna won’t give you five minutes of kindness.
Tenley finishes telling Jake how much she loves him, and how much she’s enjoyed the previous 12 weeks. She is then sent away in tears as Chris Harrison walks her down all of those steps toward a black SUV that’s waiting to whisk her away from the man she fell for and from the life she had imagined for herself.
We could already predict the rest of the show, which I watched with a 10-minute look of disgust on my face. Vienna gets out of the helicopter, nervous that Jake will tell her she’s out of luck. But when she walks down that aisle, Jake gets down on one knee, takes the ring out of his pocket and pops the big question. Vienna is thrilled, cries tears of joy, and the song “On The Wings of Love,” plays as we see clips of the new couple and the romantic moments they shared during their whirlwind, 12-week journey.
My initial thought was…
What an utter crock of shit.
…mainly because I didn’t understand why Jake would throw away the wonderful, more mature girl whose personality mirrored his exactly, in favor of a young troublemaker (who, incidentally, is not even attractive. Sorry Vienna). It didn’t make any sense to me. That is, until I visited the ABC website to watch the last part of the finale again. That’s when I picked up on something that I had initially just dismissed as Jake being an idiot.
As I watched Tenley being led away in tears, again, I heard Jake narrate the following:
“With Tenley, there was just something there that I felt like had to be forced. I felt like I had to act a certain way. For some reason I just wasn’t comfortable being myself.”
He wasn’t “comfortable” being himself. Those words really struck me, and here’s why. Personally, when I am around someone who is very, very sweet (a person like Tenley, for instance), I’m not comfortable being myself, either. There is something about speaking with a completely selfless person who has a heart of pure gold and never speaks ill of anyone that makes me feel like an ogre. And the only way for me to not feeling like an ogre is to censor a sizable chunk of my personality. For example, when engaged in conversation with such a person, swearing is completely off limits; any f-words that I might have the urge to utter must be immediately swallowed down. Sentences containing the slightest bit of pessimism must also be kept inside. And finally, I must not allow my face to let go of the plastic smile that has inevitably overtaken it. In short, whenever I’m with a person who’s sugary sweet, I clam up and just hope that he or she goes away so I can be my vulgar self again. And I believe it was a similar type of discomfort that stood in the way of Jake’s ability to “be himself” whenever he was with Tenley. So, while I wanted to kill Jake for choosing the slightly bitchy, completely sugar-free girl to be his future wife, I could understand where he was coming from. With Vienna, there was no chance of feeling like an ogre.
So, if we apply all of this to the big picture, we might be able to assume that, when it comes to dating, nice guys (and nice girls) are at a serious disadvantage, simply because they are so nice. We could even say that they are romantically ostracized to some degree. Thus making them…always finish last. It’s a shame, really. Who deserves to finish first more than the very nicest people in our world? Nobody I can think of. I wish there were some way to reverse this phenomenon, but at this very moment, I’m not having any brilliant ideas. If I think of one, though, you’ll be the first to know. In the meantime, all I can do is hope that Tenley finds love, wish good luck to nice people everywhere, and thank my lucky stars that I turned out to be such a fuckin’ bitch. ;-)
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As an enthusiastic follower of The Bachelor, On the Wings of Love, I MUST interject. Although our nice boy Jake will never admit it, Tenley and he did not click for reasons much simpler than her irritating ability to find happiness in tying her shoes and her usage of proper grammar.
Reason #1: He was not attracted to her the way a man should be. Though everyone likes to look at a pretty statue, her ballet sculpted lack of physique, and lackluster face simply do not add up to vixen. Vienna on the other hand, exuded sexiness with her pronounced hips and passionate eyes, even if they didn’t quite gaze in the same direction.
Reason #2: Behind Tenley’s declarations of love of happiness, floating bubbles, puppies, three ply toilet paper, and everything else in the world, she looked as if she would take to crying at any minute. My personal opinion? It was because she probably would. I think Jake recognized that in order to be with Tenley, he would have to tiptoe around her feelings, and constantly elevate himself to a similar overly happy freak in order to avoid any waterworks. And in comes the uncomfortable Bachelor, riding on his imaginary horse, dressed in Disney Costume complete with sword and pantaloons, to attempt to recreate the ridiculous image Tenley has for her future.
All three of these characters were immature, in not realizing none of them were a match for one another. Vienna is young and wild, Jake needs to seek out a hot Texas blonde that will hop on a mechanical bull, but then be home to serve the homemade biscuits in time, and Tenley needs to put down the Tutu and Tiara, and go to therapy.
Team Allie!
Anonymous- “even if they didn’t quite gaze in the same direction.” That made me laugh out loud.
Actually, Jake did admit that he was more sexually attracted to Vienna. In fact, I pretty much wrote this entire piece about him choosing Vienna over Tenley because of the sex-appeal thing. Then I watched last part of the finale again, heard Jake’s description of the discomfort he felt with Tenley, and tore my piece apart and started over. But, I think part of his lack of sexual attraction stems from his lack of ability to relax around her. Nobody wants to have to hold back in the bedroom.
Although, what’s very ironic is that, I think Jake’s own lack of innate sexiness that has been the pitfall in his love-life, too. It’s true that he’s very, very attractive physically, but as I’ve said in my head numerous times, “Aww…Jake deserves the best. I mean, I wouldn’t date him, but he deserves happiness.” And the reason I wouldn’t date him (and the reason I think many other women, including Jillian, wouldn’t date him) is his lack of sex appeal. He’s just too damn nice to be sexy. And Tenley was so damn nice that even Jake couldn’t find her sexy.
“All three of these characters were immature, in not realizing none of them were a match for one another.” You’re right. I predict that sometime, not too far down the line, Vienna will either cheat on Jake with someone more exciting, or leave him for someone more exciting, and when that happens, he will “finish last”…again. But I do believe that Tenley was almost perfect. If she could just tone down the cheerfulness a little, and borrow some of the sex appeal that most people (myself excluded) see in Vienna, she might have been a great other half for Jake.
1) Cool people should finish first. It’s easy to be nice, much harder to be cool.
2) You are right that Tenley and Jake do fit well with each other because both of them are boooooooorrrrrrinnng. I’m pretty sure they had the exact same conversation about 55 times.
3) Which brings me to why I think he choose Vienna: because she is not boring, and actually possesses a personality, which might be something he was looking for since he didn’t have one of his own.
4) And of course I’m sure he was nudged by production to keep the V around as long as possible so people like you could continue to hate her, and thus continue to watch.
5) That is all. And I am gay.
Randi, I think your comment above is right on. These people were too PERFECT to have sex with. I too thought Jake was amazing in every way, except to have sex with. It’s like the really expensive, nice couch that you just wanna look at and not sit on. HOWEVER, I’d rather sit on the really nice couch than the dirty, grimey, germ-ridden and SLUTTY floor. Vienna does have that vixen-esque appeal….if you like skanky, annoying vixens.
I think all parties were screwed because nobody was marriable in the bunch.
tv shows only exist to get ratings. to expect anything else out of them is a waste of time.
Kristin- Love your comment. “…dirty, grimey, germ-ridden and SLUTTY floor.” That’s hilarious :)
I was convinced to watch this season and have sworn to never watch again. All that time spent and he chose the trashiest, ugliest one of all. (Or at least of the ones that didn’t get cut on day 1.) At least the show wasn’t a complete loss as Gia stuck around until almost the end.
I thought it was pretty obvious why he chose Vienna, as someone has to “wear the pants” in the relationship and it was clear Jake wasn’t the man for the job.
I do wonder if he would have gone with Ali had she stuck around though… oh well. She’s probably better off in the end for it.
Eric- That’s such a good point about the pants-wearing. And I agree with you about Gia. She was a really sweet girl (although, it was so sad to see her get crushed like that). I was hoping she’d be the next Bachelorette, actually, as I happen to think that Ali is a bitch in sheep’s clothing. And for that reason, I won’t be watching next season, either.
To All-
I believe that Vienna won because of her “over-night” performance on the 7th episode. Tenley didn’t step her game up enough to persuade Jake. Vienna gave him a glimpse of something I guess he never had. I also agree that I don’t particularly enjoy being around someone who is super sweet and overly “happy” at times. So I would concur that those who have that characteristic also find it annoying. Love your jdate stories Randi!