As probably very few of you know, part of the reason I moved to LA was to engage in the writing of comedic screenplays. Since I love TV, and sitcoms specifically, the transition to writing sitcom scripts seemed to be the most natural. The following is the first part of a spec script for the new(ish) ABC show Modern Family—one of my favorites. My main goal for this script, above all others, is for it to be funny. But additionally, I want all my scripts to be meaningful, have a specific point of view, and adhere to character personalities.
For the uninitiated, a quick and partial character summary:
PHIL (Dunphy):
Well-intentioned but sometimes inappropriate father when trying to be the ‘cool dad.’
LUKE (Dunphy):
Trouble-making, somewhat slow-witted son.
CLAIRE (Dunphy):
Overprotective/loving mother.
JAY:
Wealthy family patriarch. Father of Claire, husband of significantly younger Gloria.
GLORIA:
Young, fiery, Columbian mother to Manny from first marriage to Javier. Jay’s wife.
MANNY:
Mature and intuitive son to Gloria (and Javier).
JAVIER:
Ex-husband to Gloria. Here-and-then-gone figure in Manny’s life.
For a full character list, click here.
ACT ONE
PHIL AND LUKE INTERVIEW – DUNPHY HOUSE – MORNING
Luke is dozing on the couch as Phil talks. It’s obviously early in the morning.
PHIL
A few weeks ago, I found out that I’m going to be at a conference in Scottsdale during April Fool’s Day. Ahhh! Tragedy!
Phil’s an outburst of hand motions. He looks down at Luke, who is still sleeping, and his enthusiasm drains.
PHIL (CONT’D)
As you might imagine, it’s one of my favorite holidays. Everyone loves my practical jokes.
INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN – DAYTIME – FLASHBACK
Phil hovers over Luke. Phil’s bouncing from one foot to the other as Luke finishes his cereal on the kitchen island.
PHIL
(enthusiastically)
Let’s go, buddy! We’re late for school.
Luke slides his bowl toward the sink and makes a move to the door. On his first step he slams to the ground and we see that his shoes are tied together. Phil stands over him, pointing and laughing.
INT. CLAIRE’S CAR – MORNING – FLASHBACK
Phil and Claire are sitting at a stoplight. Claire’s driving.
PHIL
I heard today that if you drink too much water, you can die. Interesting fact huh.
CLAIRE
(unenthusiastically)
Yeah that’s rrrreal…
PHIL
(pointing to Claire’s left)
What is that?!?
Claire’s head jerks to the left and Phil sneakily puts the car into Reverse.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Oh. I’m seeing things again. I gotta get that checked out.
Beat. Claire looks at him like he’s a moron.
PHIL (CONT’D)
(pointing at the light)
Green light.
Claire presses the gas and expects forward motion. Instead, the car lurches backward and slams into the front of the car behind them. Phil laughs hysterically, slapping his knees as he does. Claire’s pissed.
PHIL AND LUKE INTERVIEW
Phil is coming down from his wistful remembrance.
PHIL
(trailing off)
Claire sometimes doesn’t share my sense of humor…
PHIL (CONT’D) (brightening)
But this year, with the help of my little sidekick here…
Phil points at the sleeping Luke and then smacks his shoulder. Luke stirs and sits up.
PHIL (CONT’D)
….it’s going to be bigger and better than ever. Because this year, April Fool’s Day is on…
Phil looks at his watch.
PHIL (CONT’D)
…February 12th.
INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Jay is sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. Manny enters and sits down next to Jay. He takes a sip of his coffee, and picks up part of the paper and mimics Jay.
JAY
Can I help you there Manny?
MANNY
No. I’m just trying to act more mature.
JAY
(turning the page)
Great. Just what we need.
Gloria walks behind the couch with her the phone to her ear. She’s speaking loudly and adamantly in Spanish. She continues into the next room.
JAY (CONT’D)
(to Manny)
Who’s your mom talking to?
MANNY
I don’t know. My dad probably?
Jay lowers the paper.
JAY
What makes you say that?
Manny looks at Jay.
MANNY
She keeps saying the name “Javier.”
Beat as Jay looks at Manny, speechless.
MANNY
…And that’s my dad’s name…
JAY
Well what are they saying?
Manny starts to read again.
MANNY
How should I know? I’ve only taken one year of Spanish so far.
JAY
You don’t know Spanish?
MANNY
Nope.
Manny turns the page of his newspaper.
MANNY (CONT’D)
And, frankly, I’m offended that you would assume that I did.
JAY
You’ll get over it.
We hear more yelling from Gloria on the phone. She slams something in the other room. Jay jumps.
JAY (CONT’D)
Well, if it suddenly comes to you in a moment of cultural clarity, why don’t you translate for me. Your mom sounds quite ‘furioso’ and I want to make sure she’s not ‘furioso’ at me.
INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN – MORNING
Luke is sitting at the table with his head held up by his hand. He’s obviously tired. Phil is walking around the kitchen, gathering supplies.
LUKE
(groggily)
Why do we have to get up so early on a Saturday?
PHIL
You have to start early, my friend. We have a whole schedule of pranks to pull today.
Phil holds up a schedule.
PHIL (CONT’D)
You’ll notice that between 1-2, I have ‘Something Gay’ at Cam and Mitchell’s. I haven’t quite figured out what I’m doing for that yet.
LUKE
Are you telling mom about this?
PHIL
Your mother??? God no.
Phil looks at the camera like Luke’s crazy. Luke fiddles with his sweatshirt.
PHIL (CONT’D)
(re: Clair)
She hates fun. It’s like her kryptonite.
LUKE
What’s a kryptonite?
Phil looks at the camera, whistles and makes an ‘over his head’ gesture.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Kryptonite is like…a filibuster to congress’s attempts at political progress.
Luke looks even more confused.
PHIL (CONT’D)
That in no way made kryptonite more relevant did it.
Luke shakes his head.
PHIL (CONT’D)
(looking at Luke)
Ok.. Well what about this: You know Lord Voldemort?
LUKE
Yeah…
PHIL
(dramatically)
His kryptonite was Harry Potter. The only thing that could hurt him in the world was Harry Potter. Nothing else could stop him.
LUKE
(understanding now)
Ahh.
PHIL
(to camera)
I have such a way with kids. I should be a teacher. Exercise the mind.
Phil points to his head.
LUKE
You’re right. Mom doesn’t like fun very much. She’s always trying to keep me from having it.
PHIL
That’s what I’m saying! It’s like the list of things she hates goes:
Phil gestures as he lists.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Number one: Spiders. Two: Fun. Three: Asian hairdressers. Today we’re going to combine the first two.
Phil clumsily points to the top and the second tiers of his imaginary list as he continues to imaginarily hold it.
Suddenly the house alarm goes off. Both are undisturbed by the noise, like they’ve been waiting for it.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Ope, that’s our cue. She should be down any second. Ready?
Camera pans to Luke who has a black ski mask on now.
LUKE
(muffled)
Ready.
Phil pulls his mask on.
PHIL (muffled)
Let’s go.
They run to the sliding glass door, open it, go through, shut it, and stand on the other side creepily.
Claire hurries down the stairs, sees the two burglars and screams. Phil and Luke run off, through the gate and into the front yard. They high five awkwardly as they leave.
MAIN TITLES
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“to engage in the writing of comedic screenplays.”
Yeesh. Not a good opener.
Is writing this and posting it publicly a good idea?
The scenes feel a little choppy and rushed to me. They’ve moved on before I really know what’s happening.
With the shoe tying and drive-reverse pranks, I think there needs to be substantive dialog playing on top of the scene. Maybe use them to introduce or advance whatever the episode’s secondary story line is. Especially in the car, I think having meaty dialogue will really improve the scene. Put the car in reverse, but then tease by forcing the audience to focus on the dialogue/secondary plot, until they get immersed in that, and then let them share in Claire’s surprise a bit when they’re reminded of the prank Phil set up.
One of my favorite shows.
I think the April Fool’s idea is good, something Phil would definitely be into.
I think the second prank, the one in the car, little too destructive. Maybe the result could be an accident, but the actual prank I think shoould be something cornier/less malicious, which is more Phil to me.
Some things in the Manny/Jay convo didn’t feel quite right. I’mnot sure Manny would say he’s trying to be more mature. That’s just how he is, its all very matter of fact.
Good idea though, I think you have a pretty good handle on the characters.
JD: Why isn’t this a good idea? If somebody who has any influence in these matters reads this, they can contact Matt, and he doesn’t even have to make a zillion copies and send them to a zillion agencies or studios, where they might otherwise get ignored.
And if you’re intimating that someone might steal his ideas, well, his ideas are on this website, so the proof that it’s his material is right here, dated, and copyrighted.
Or maybe I’m just a naive moron.
I wasn’t trying to imply that someone might steal Mr. Shirley’s work (and I’m not saying this as a way to knock said work). My point, simply, is that major television programs are not run like short story magazines; their producers aren’t looking for freelance talent; all scripts come from a writer’s room. Why would the producers troll the internet looking for scripts? They have scripts. These scripts come to them through established channels. (I like the idea of the Modern Family producers, trapped in a bout of writer’s block, frantically Googling “Modern Family spec scripts” for ideas. Seems unlikely, though.)
Further more, Modern Family is not run by “a zillion” studios. If the producers of this show aren’t interested in your script, you’re out of luck. What are CBS, NBC, or Fox going to do with a Modern Family script?
Most short story markets won’t consider publishing a piece that’s been published on a blog/website. Similarly, would ABC really want to use a script that’s been published before? Modern Family isn’t LOST, but its producers probably like their ideas kept relatively private before viewing, and not featured on Flip Collective and subjected to public criticism in the form of comments.
Perhaps you’re thinking that some producer might see this script and — based on its merits — hire Mr. Shirley to write for another show. I don’t believe anyone has ever been hired for television based on an unsolicited and publicly-consumed spec script. Feel free to prove me wrong.
If he wants to break into television, Mr. Shirley should probably keep applying for jobs in the industry (and not publishing essays on this site about rejections from such positions).
You must work in Hollywood…
JD: Actually, it is very common for up-and-coming writers to write spec scripts for TV shows currently on the air. While the studio might not want that specific script for whatever reason, the script can show your ability to write within the show’s style, and if your scripts are current to what’s going on in the show, it demonstrates that you’re able to come up with good ideas on a routine basis, rather than peddling the one good idea you had two years ago.
If you look at the writing credits for Modern Family, no one has written more than 16 episodes of the show, with most writers only working on 3-4.
Back to the substance of the writing…
Matt, drop where you wrote “beat.” That’s a term used more for plays than TV and movies. Plus, it’s redundant. The silence is implied in the stare.
Thanks for the comments everyone. I have written and read many-a-script so I’m not totally clueless. Like BL1Y said, spec scripts aren’t typically in the hopes that that exact script will ever be used, but more evidence (or anti-evidence) that a writer can capture the show’s voice. In fact, people routinely write specs for shows that aren’t even on TV anymore.
BL1Y – Are you sure about that? I see ‘beat’ used all the time.
(From Screenwriter’s Bible 4th Edition)
“Avoid using the word beat (a theatrical term indicating a pause). It’s usually best not to instruct an actor when to pause. If you must indicate a pause, find a more descriptive word than beat. Instead, describe a small action, gesture, or facial expression that accomplishes the same purpose, but which also adds a characterization.”
I think this is an extension of the general rule of “don’t tell when you can show.” Instead of saying there’s a pause, describe what that pause is like, which you’ve already done here anyways.
As someone who knows nothing about writing for sitcoms but is very much a fan of Modern Family, I love it. MF is the only show I watch regularly and you nailed it. You have the characters and style down perfectly.
I disagree with the Manny convo criticism. Even though Manny is mature, I could still see him saying that he’s trying to act more mature. If memory serves, he’s actually said something along those lines before.
As MG said, the Phil car crash prank may be a little more harm than the show is going for but it’s most definitely a Phil idea.
Great job overall. You had me laughing the entire time.