When I was in elementary school I received a Discman as a gift and couldn’t wait to make the trek out to Best Buy and make a best buy. I chose Snoop Dogg’s first album, Doggy Style.
For three days I memorized the raps and bobbed my head with every syncopated beat that flowed through earphones too large for my head.
I dreamt of meeting DJ Easy Dick on W-Ballz. I nicknamed myself Snoop Sicky Ro. I approached the local chapter of The Crips and tried to become the first A-plus member. For realsies, I was almost in a gang. Esham and Matt Robles lived in my hood, and while Matt was a poser, Esham was the hardest mother effer ever. And E told me that to get in they would have to beat me up, and then I changed my mind.
All this was as a result of Snoop.
And then it happened. I lost my beats. The foster home I was staying at, at the time was pretty conservative and the CD’s content came to light and I lost it, because they lost it.
They took it away and I cried, like a bitch. They must have felt bad for me because they exchanged the CD for another hot album – Janet Jackson’s- Janet.
I wasn’t happy about it but I needed to put my CD player to good use until I became adult enough to buy my own music. So I memorized all the words to her songs and I bobbed my head to her poppy beats.
Now that I’m a tad bit older I feel that that CD exchange may have changed my life.
If I had continued listening to Snoop instead of Janet I may have become a rap battle superstar.
If I had continued listening to Snoop instead of Janet I may not be afraid of getting into a fight now.
If I had continued listening to Snoop instead of Janet I may be able to do one armed push-ups instead of girl push-ups.
If I had continued listening to Snoop instead of Janet I may not dress in flat front chinos and wear Dickies instead.
If I had continued listening to Snoop instead of Janet I may wear Chuck Taylor’s to work in lieu of the Kenneth Cole’s that now adorn my feet.
Who knows what would have become of me. This debate may shape the rest of my days, Snoop vs Janet.
Well I have to go get a manicure… I am sure I would not be doing this if I had continued with Snoop.
Related Posts
The correlation has been evident. Ferocious disposition and football were allied in design. The assumption had been that the ferocious, the aggressive, the monsters of the midway chose football – but it seems that the assumption was warped; football wasn’t selected by the aforementioned. Instead, the sport created them. Anyone who’s paid a...
San Antonio v Utah Prediction: Spurs in 5 The Spurs are Tim Duncan, and Anthony Davis, and Shaq, and LeBron and every can’t-miss prospect in the draft. If the draft were reversed we would analyze the Spurs the way we do those franchise-salvaging talents. In the same way we need the existence of busts to validate our cornerstones, we must ha...
In 1921 Herb Merp attended a Daft Punk concert. He returned to the Swiss loft he shared with Zooey Deschanel to write a book based on Daft Punk’s hit song “Psychodiagnostik.” As is the case with most struggling authors, Merp ended up doodling on the pages instead of writing anything of substance. The doodles seemed inconsequential until Herb ...
Drafting the frame of this column in my head left me twisted. The disparate elements seemed senselessly assembled even though I was the featured player in the weekend composed of those elements. I’ve developed brain wrinkles on behalf of Elmo, pot, alcohol, and the zenith of the laziest love affair ever imagined. One of my greatest joys – and i...
Supreme Court justices Antonin Scalia and John Roberts have decomposed the health-care mandate debate into a conversation about broccoli. Their point, however dull, limp and green as it might be, is that forcing people to purchase health care is the first step toward the government forcing people to buy broccoli, for example. This nuanced bit of re...

Comments