The first step to recovery is realizing that you aren’t funny or creative.
A Jersey Shore Character
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: Gain 50 pounds and dress up like Snooki.
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… laugh at you then call you fat.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: Go as the guy who punished Snooki’s mouse face with his fist.
DON’T FORGET… the flesh-colored brass knuckles, for extra face damage.
ACCESSORIZE WITH… a sidekick, la situación—The Situation’s Cuban alter-ego.
Lady Gaga
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: Reuse last year’s costume and assume they’re fooling people.
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… kill two kittens. Don’t make me do it.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: Go as a member of Wilson Phillips.
DON’T FORGET… to hold on, for one more day.
ACCESSORIZE WITH… a fat suit, if you drew the short straw and have to be Carnie.
A Character from Glee
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: Dress up as the wheel chair kid or the fairy adult guy or the annoying girl or the other annoying girl.
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… not be your friend.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: Don’t dress up like a Glee character
DON’T FORGET… to make fun of everyone who does don Glee apparel.
ACCESSORIZE WITH… alcohol.
The Joker
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: People loved the Joker costume the last two years, so why not give it another go!
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… pencil eye-stab you.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: go as the Penguin.
DON’T FORGET… to not wait until October 30th to pick out your costume next year. And the monocle.
ACCESSORIZE WITH… obesity. Why am I suggesting so many fattie costumes?
A Hipster
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: Dress like they normally do only with tighter jeans.
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… hate you, just like I do regular hipsters.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: If anyone asks what you’re dressed as, don’t tell them, because hipsters never admit they are hipsters.
DON’T FORGET… to be a dick.
ACCESSORIZE WITH… plenty of plaid and beard.
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Everything you wrote about The Joker can and should also be applied to anyone in a Jack Sparrow costume.
Hopefully nobody confuses The Penguin costume for Snooki, though.
Your accuracy is astounding.
I came up with a few less cliche costumes the other day…
http://altoonamirror.com/page/blogs.detail/display/4786/Obscure-Halloween-costume-ideas.html
Your hipster costume critique making me very, very nervous about my planned lumberjack costume. I’m not sure carrying my fake ax with me will be enough of a distinguishing feature…
Scott – I’m stealing all of your Home Alone ideas. Wet Bandit here I come.
Mattchew – Haha, yeah you could be in trouble. Beard, shit. Plaid, shit. Make sure you have some crazy hiking boots.
You forgot the Antoine Dodson costume:
WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL DO: either be confused or be amused, because for once they found out about the “internet meme of the year”
IF I SEE YOU IN THIS COSTUME I WILL… climb into your window, snatch yo’ people up. No seriously, I will hold your family for ransom until you tell me why you resorted to such a costume.
HOW TO MAKE IT COOL: i’m not sure that’s possible. maybe live usage of autotune?
DON’T FORGET… like his fame, the laughs on this costume should last about 15 minutes (probably less. yes, very likely much less.)
ACCESSORIZE WITH… news lady and sister
haha Good stuff! Makes my “Chilean Miner in the Porta-Potty Rescue Capsule” seem positively boring…