Top Fives from 2010, by Matt Shirley

Ah, 2010.  The year when some people decided to jump from saying two-thousand-nine to twenty-ten for some stupid reason.  And now that we’ve proceeded to ‘twenty-eleven’ (?), it’s time to look back at all the great things that happened in the sometimes-already-difficult-to-remember 2010.

Top Five Tweets

Twitter emerged as somewhat of a force in 2010.  And while I don’t follow everyone in the world (I’d get pretty tired of Justin Bieber references), I do believe I’m qualified to deliver a list of funny tweets and the funny tweetists who tweeted them.

5. IrrelevantScott  (Monday, December 06, 2010)

Wow…there isn’t a drop of peanut butter left on me. #dogsitting

4. Mickshaffer (Monday, June 21, 2010)

I like the middle Pep Boy. The other two can go to hell.

3. thesulk (Monday, November 01, 2010)

Most girls know what they’re wearing next Halloween because they saw another girl wearing it last night.

2. robdelaney (Monday, August 02, 2010)

Whenever I see a woman reading a book, I’m like, “Yeah, right…”

1. IrrelevantScott (Friday, November 05, 2010)

Since when does a woman’s vagina look exactly like a penis…ahhhh shit.

Top Five Things I Did Instead of Doing Something Productive

This category seems pretty self-explanatory but for my SPED readers: These are things I did instead of doing something productive.  Clearer?

5. Sent text messages.  I’ve got to stop doing this.

4. Watched Youtube videos of people playing videogames.  I’ve really got to stop doing this.

3. Watched countless episodes of Storage Wars, American Pickers, and Pawn Stars on hulu.  I’ve really really got to stop doing this.

2. Thought about how unfair it is that girls can have sex whenever they want and never really have to pay for anything.  I’ve really really really got to stop doing this.

1.  Drank.  This I probably won’t stop doing.

Top Five Albums

I must admit, I was first chair special ed clarinet when it came to new music this year—I didn’t buy, listen to, or ridicule nearly enough tunes in 2010.  That being said, it’s a tradition to share my uninformed Top Five Albums list—a list that, this year, should be taken with a grapefruit-sized grain of salt.

5. Deer Tick – The Black Dirt Sessions

4. Sleigh Bells – Treats

3. Deftones – Diamond Eyes

2. Mumford and Sons – Sigh No More

1. Crystal Castles – ( II )

Top Five Revelations

Seems like as I get older, I realize more and more about the world around me.  This could be because I’m a genius, but more likely can be attributed to some self-delusion that will keep me from stabbing myself in the future.  Either way, revelations were big in 2010.

5. You can’t get everyone to like you.  Especially if by ‘you’ you mean me.

4.  There are a lot of good board games out there that you’ve probably never heard of.  This includes the likes of Settlers of Catan, Dominion, and Ticket to Ride.  But it does NOT include Apples to Apples—that game is for no-fun-having anarchists.

3.  Driving sucks.  While I’m the best driver I know, riding the metro is far superior to worrying about the engine falling out of my ’99 Grand Prix while stuck in ass to mouth traffic on the shoulderless 405.

2. Relationship problems aren’t really problems at all.  When a family member who has been crucial to your existence throughout your existence dies, and you barely have enough money via lots of crappy jobs to pay your grocery bills, you realize that problems in kidless, marriageless relationships are damn near irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

1. 2011 will probably be a lot like 2010 but there’s hope that it won’t be.  Here’s to electric cars, business meritocracies, some new type of roller coaster that I’ve never heard of, and less stupidity in twenty-eleven.

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