44 Things We’ve Learned During The 2011 NBA Playoffs

This article appeared (in Spanish) in the May 30, 2011 edition of El Pais newspaper.

1. If you had to pick a guy to make a 12-foot jump shot, it would be Jason Terry.

2. Apparently, Keith Bogans plays for the Chicago Bulls.

3. Jim Carrey is an underrated basketball mind.

4. Derrick Rose shouldn’t have been named the regular season MVP.

5. Because MVPs can make a jump shot.

6. Nick Collison might be worth the $12 million he made this year.

7. Kyle Korver is not worth the $5 million he made this year.

8. Kevin Durant is definitely worth the $5 million he made this year.

9. Unless you take away his jumper and make him a driver.

10. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are like an old married couple that begins to look more and more alike.

11. If you needed to get rid of a body, Tom Thibodeau would be a pretty good choice.

12. Mike Bibby might be 47 years old.

13. And not in a good way.

14. As if there’s a good way to be 47 years old and a professional basketball player.

15. If Carlos Boozer walked up to you in a dark alley, you’d run in the opposite direction.

16. If Carlos Boozer’s mental toughness walked up to you in a dark alley, you’d beat it up and takes its money.

17. Shawn Marion still has the ugliest jumpshot in professional basketball.

18. But somehow it goes in.

19. James Harden is 21 years old.

20. Kevin Durant is 22 years old.

21. Russell Westbrook is 22 years old.

22. That’s 65 years of guys Scott Brooks can’t handle.

23. Chris Bosh still looks like an alien.

24. So does Taj Gibson.

25. So does Joel Anthony.

26. An alien who runs a junkyard and owns a bulldog.

27. JJ Barea will make a lot of money next year.

28. The word on the street is that he dates a supermodel.

29. Maybe next year he’ll date two.

30. If I were an NBA GM, I’d figure out a way to get Omer Asik on my team.

31. Assuming that LeBron guy wasn’t available.

32. The Los Angeles Lakers know how to run a search for a new head coach like I know how to run a jackhammer.

33. I don’t know how to run a jackhammer.

34. I’d be willing to bet Mike Miller wishes he had a time machine so he could go back and get those tattoos removed.

35. Remember when Jason Kidd played for the Mavericks in the sixties?

36. It wasn’t really the sixties.

37. Joakim Noah doesn’t like it when you talk about his mother.

38. But I guess that’s what you get for having a hot mom.

39. There might not be a Gasol in the Finals, but there’s probably a Gasol on a beach somewhere.

40. What I mean is: where would you rather be?

41. The answer is the beach.

42. If you had to pick one player to start a basketball team, and you got to pick first, you would pick Dirk Nowitzki.

43. Unless you wanted to pick the wrong guy, which is totally your prerogative.

44. It’s just that my team would beat your team.

–

For more from Paul, click some of the fun buttons below…

Past work on FlipCollective.com.
To follow him on Twitter.
To befriend him on Facebook.
To send him an email.