Things I did and thought about during the 4th
1. I lost a rather substantial amount of money to the Micronesians I hung out with. The Micros do not really speak English and they are incredibly mean and they spit their dip-spit onto my carpet so often that I am now sponsored by Skoal. But, their company is palatable because they will gamble on anything, literally anything. So we gambled on….
2. Jeopardy. 1, 2, 3. Pick a player-position; throw on a Jeopardy marathon and go. We tried to determine odds based on race, age, and sex but our attempts were fruitless and thanks to the string of female Jeopardy contestants I was stuck gambling on my wallet grew fruitless.
3. Joe Rogan Podcast. I became a fan of Rogan when I watched this video:
And since he and the South Park guys helped kill Mencia’s career I gave his podcast a chance. I feel a bit adulterous mentioning another podcast with Flipcast an earshot away, but Rogan’s is just as good. Listening to a group of comics joke about drug use, sex, and writing while heading to the lake to blow up fireworks for America is nearly sublime.
4. I did not watch the Anthony trial… but I found out everything I didn’t want to know from the legions of women who felt compelled enough by the trial to spew their feelings to everyone in their vicinity. There seems to be an awful large block of Americans wishing for Momma Anthony’s death, and I have no problem with that, hell I have wished death onto a lot of people, myself included – what I am a bit puzzled about is how this story “captured a nation.” I tried to ignore it as hard as I could and still, I knew more tangential facts than I ever wanted or needed to know about it.
5. I know I am a weirdo but when these random stories capture our nation’s attention I always wonder how an alien would perceive it. Would an alien be impressed by our ability to take empathy/sympathy and apply it to events far removed from our own sphere of influence or would they feel empathy/sympathy for us because we do that?
6. How much money could ABC make if they made Anthony the next bachelorette?
7. Women’s World Cup! Women’s tennis, women’s track and field, and women’s soccer are the only girl-sports I actually enjoy. I don’t like watching sports where I feel like I could beat some of the participants and that is why most girl-sports bore me. Taurasi could cross me up, for sure, but I could probably score on her, so I’m out on the WNBA… and women’s boxing and softball and curling and the potential Female MMA league in the works. But, soccer is different; there is enough of what I like from the men’s game to validate my enjoyment of it. Now I’m sure there is a joke in there about how that is more an argument against the men’s game than one in support of the female version – and to that I say, “yeah, but still.
8. I watched a ton of Sportcenter and naturally I was inundated with NFL lockout news and naturally I was inundated with Adam Schefter. Watching Adam reveal the secrets given to him by NFL players, GMs, and coaches forced me to consider the arduous nature of his friendships. I mean, could you tell Adam anything if you were his drinking buddy, because I couldn’t.
“Hey Adam, I cheated on my wife last night, I don’t know what to do”
“Becky, my sources in the Becky – Muaz organization tell me that Muaz definitely banged a skinny blonde last night and he is contemplating keeping the extra girlfriend, unless he can get a first round draft pick in a deal.”
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