Hello! Welcome to Sebastien Le Pouviere’s Winds of Deliciousness restaurant, my name is Colby and I’m happy to serve you this fine evening tonight. Hello.
As you can see from our menu printed on 100% recycled parchment made of repurposed James Joyce novels, we have a tremendous variety of items to present to you on our menu tonight this evening, and if you’ll allow me to, I’d love to present them to you as I share them to you tonight. Thank you.
For starters this evening, our appetizer is tonight’s top-notch special starter especialé to start you off with, and it’s a trio of twice-cooked shrimp elbow served atop leaves of fresh basil that our sous chef Jerome expertly drizzles with a dollop of hand-pressed oven-roasted lime-infused garlic oil. The shrimp is then glazed with a reduction sauce of kumquat and bee penis marmalade and finished with our very own reggiano-cheddarmesan cheese flakeboree.
It’s awesome. Trust me.
Moving right along…
This evening’s special salad of the night is an artisanal roughage plate consisting of local arugula, organic kale bits, timely-farmed scrogged chadweed, along with assorted sprigs from our herb garden here at the restaurant, all melded sublimely by a hearty cod chowder, which, incidentally, is blended daily by our esteemed compatriots at Thad’s Landing in Redondo Beach. We top that with dried bits of the cheese of your choice from our unlit basement fromage bar, and a loganberry balsamic vinaigrette whisked in a goblet that was used over a dozen times by Delicate Rufus, the third Lord of Londonderry.
It’s totally amazing.
We have two entrees for you this evening, tonight.
One of those entrees is shank of poised lamb. The lamb in question was gently coerced into a Heisman pose before being gently slaughtered by our resident meatsmith, Paul-Henrí. Then, the shank was swaddled in a velvet robe and hand-delivered to our kitchen to be marinated in our signature blend of rose water and goose tears. Once in the hands of our award-winning grillologist, Etienne Chevalier, the lamb is carefully dusted with Mediterranean nine-spice and herbs de provence, grilled to medium-rare perfection, drizzled in spruce-lime musk jelly and served to you piping hot on a slab of warm Slovenian marble.
It’s really awesome, and like yeah…it’s amazing.
Next up, our second entree that we also have on special this evening tonight is a wild-caught, home-farmed, trout-weave that recently, as of late has become our signature dish over the past half decade. In fact, this is where our name, the “Winds Of Deliciousness” comes from. The painstaking preparation of the trout-weave creates a decadent five-sense wind that you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. And that taste you’re tasting when you taste it…is deliciousness.
The trout-weave is marinated in a foot-pressed olive oil and ground zebra tooth au jus, sprinkled with saffron and seahorse beak, and slow-cooked to perfection in the very same kiln that spawned the flatware that tonight you’ll be using this evening.
Next, our resident fishmonger, Arnaud (the seventh son of Sebastien LePouviere), weaves several of the trout filets into a souvenir tank top or cape that can be worn, gently draped across a dining chair, or eaten as is…deliciously. The choice is yours. You are the diner.
If you have any questions, I’ll be standing at attention near the large photograph of Arnaud’s first plated trout-weave that I’m sure you noticed tonight on your way into the restaurant this evening. Again, my name is Colby, and don’t hesitate to ask any questions that come to mind.
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