Republican Intellectual Consistency, by Paul Shirley

Republican Intellectual Consistency, by Paul Shirley

[We see a MAN sitting at a desk in a modestly appointed office. He reads aloud from a computer screen, his hands hovering over the keyboard. We can tell that he’s written what’s on the screen.]

In recent years, it has been hard to tell what, exactly, our two political parties stand for. At times, it has seemed that the Democrats wanted to be the moralists. Other times, the Republicans picked up the standard for family values. Sometimes, the Left has been careless with American money. On some occasions, it was the Right that couldn’t keep its hands out of taxpayers’ pockets.

[MAN rubs his hands together and says, to himself.]

Not a bad start.

[MAN returns his hands to the top of his desk and continues reading.]

But some differences between the parties are relatively universal. In general, Republicans believe that government should be small; that government should stay out of the way of the population; that government should set forth the rules of the road for employment, but that the government should not be an employer.

[MAN smiles and leans back.]

Excellent use of semi-colons, if I do say so myself. They’re going to eat this up.

[MAN leans forward, picking up a pen. He continues to read, involuntarily marking time with his pen.]

Say what you will about Republicans – they’re bloodthirsty retributionists, they’re progress-denying Creationists, they’re the party of No – but on this issue, at least, they are consistent. We may not be able to count on them to appear sane in debates about moral issues, but we can always count on…

[We hear a knock at the closed office door.]

[MAN mumbles to himself.]

Dammit. Closed door, working time.

[MAN gets to his feet to answer the door. He walks off camera. We hear a rustling of paper, and then.]

Thanks.

[MAN returns to his chair, tossing a copy of The Economist from September 10-16, 2011 onto his desk.]

So anyway, where was I…

[MAN traces, with his fingers, back to where he left off.]

Here it is… We may not be able to count on them to appear sane in debates about moral issues, but we can always count on them for intellectual consistency on this one issue: the US government should not be an employer of US citizens. Republicans have made their view on this clear, emphasized by their resistance to government-sponsored jobs initiatives and demonstrated by their desire to cut government programs with large employment rolls. I, for one, support this intellectual consistency, which is why, in the coming election, I’ve decided to endorse this man, my friend and your Sena…

[MAN stops reading and notices that The Economist has flipped open to page 4 of the Special Report: The Future Of Jobs. We see his brow furrow as his attention shifts to the magazine on his desk.]

[Close up on:]

 

[MAN shakes his head, sighs and, abruptly, mashes the Delete key on his computer with his right forefinger, holding it there until the entire speech is gone.]

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