1. Get yourself away from a computer.
2. Ditch your phone.
3. Get the edge off somehow (Shower, drink a beer, smoke a joint, beat off, try to gently insert a tire into your ass … whatever works).
4. Put on a bathrobe.
5. Turn on some mellow music, but try to avoid Iron and Wine. (If it has to be Iron and Wine, add 5a. Brew a big pot of coffee).
6. Sit down in a comfortable chair.
7. Pick up a pen and a notebook.
8. Think about the most fucked-up thing that has ever happened to you.
9. Write about it.
10. There you go. You’ve conquered writer’s block. You’re awesome. You’ll soon be hailed by the press as the next great American novelist. Now fuck off.
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