New Fall Sitcoms: The Not Bad, the Bad, and the Very Bad, by Matt Shirley

06 Oct 2011

As the days get shorter and the ladies begin packing on their obesity to survive the harsh winter, so comes a slew of new situational comedies. It seems sitcoms have made a resurgence of sorts, with no fewer than six original pilots.

This is good news because I like sitcoms. Unfortunately, every single one of them is targeted toward people who wear eyeliner, have boobs, and who exclusively use song lyrics as facebook status updates.

That is, girls.

I get it though, these are the people who buy things. Or at least tell their husbands/boyfriends to buy things.

Personally however, it presents two distinct challenges:

1) All the new shows are about girls and doing girly things with other girls

and

2) These shows use female writers exclusively so they can write girly things that appeal to girls and other girls.

Since I don’t really find girl situations that funny and since I’d like to become a sitcom writer myself someday, this is all bad news. But it doesn’t stop me from watching them, and “presenting my unbiased critiques”, just like I did last year.*

UP ALL NIGHT

What’s it about? A couple of supposed boozehound/party animals (Will Arnett and Christina Applegate) have unprotected intercourse and spawn a baby they are unfit to raise.
Initial impressions: I like unwanted pregnancy jokes.
What it did right: Will Arnett parts.
What it did wrong: Non-Will Arnett parts. Especially the parts with Maya Rudolph and tired colloquialisms like “epic” and “tight beats.”
One word summary: Meh.
Grade: C-plus
# of laughs: IIII
Where they should take it from here: Up All Night need to bring in Louis CK to inject his honesty pen into the rest of the episodes. He’ll tell the audience what it’s ACTUALLY like raising kids – the shitting, the sadness, the hating them – without the same tired jokes we’ve heard time and time again.
Will I watch again? This show wasn’t quite the abortion (get it?) I thought it might be. So yes, I probably will give it a couple more episodes.

FREE AGENTS

What’s it about? Newly divorced (Hank Azaria) bangs newly widowed (Some Other Chick) from the office. Hilarity ensues! Or does it…
Initial impressions: This shit is completely unrealistic.
What it did right: The security guard character was good and there was a Willy Loman reference that might have been funny if I knew who in the hell Willy Loman was.
What it did wrong: Let’s list some sitcom clichés that all showed up in one episode of Free Agents: Guy cries after sex, made-up sex position names using a city name and then a foul-sounding noun, old people going to a club, the annoying/bitchy secretary, the unprofessional boss, the d-bag coworker who uses the word ‘bro’ in every sentence.
One word summary: Sad.
Grade: F
# of laughs: Ø
Where they should take it from here: Straight to the trash, which, from what the Internet reports, is exactly where it’s going.
Will I watch again? No thanks.

NEW GIRL

What’s it about? 3 guys + 1 girl + lots of singing
Initial impressions: Disclaimer: I don’t like Zooeyie Deschshenelleelle. And I read the pilot before the show ever got made so I’ve been prepared to hate it for a long time.
What it did right: It’s just a show about people doing people things. No gimmicks.
What it did wrong: I already didn’t watch this show when it was the TBS show My Boys.
One word summary: Hopeful.
Grade: B-minus
# of laughs: IIIII
Where they should take it from here: Tone down the cuteness and I think this show could be okay.
Will I watch again? Against all odds, I probably will.

WHITNEY

What’s it about? Relationships! Genius!
Initial impressions: Laugh track! Fuck!
What it did right: I hated this show two minutes in, so I didn’t give it much of a chance to do anything not wrong.
What it did wrong: Well first off, it’s not funny. Not only is it not funny, but it’s that vulgar unfunny that seems to pop up in female stand-up comedy a lot. Like, “I can’t be funny so I’m going to be disgusting so at least I get some reaction out of you.” And seriously, the laugh track in this show is unbearable.
One word summary: Terriobvious.
Grade: F
# of laughs: From the studio audience? A billion. From me? There was a stolen threesome joke in there that made me chuckle.
Where they should take it from here: Don’t care.
Will I watch again? F no.

TWO BROKE GIRLS

What’s it about? A Wharton Business School grad millionaire needs a job at a diner?
Initial impressions: Snow hat in the winter joke?!? YESSSSSSS.
What it did right: Somehow the laugh track is less annoying than on Whitney. And the chick from Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist is in it and she’s a good actor.
What it did wrong: See “What’s it about?”
One word summary: Ascending.
Grade: B-minus
# of laughs: IIII – Dropped some rape jokes in there, gotta like that.
Where they should take it from here: I actually think this show has promise. I can tell which jokes Whitney Cummings wrote (the bad ones) because I saw Whitney. Just cut her out of the equation and you have yourself a comedy show.
Will I watch again? Yes.

HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

What’s it about? How to be a gentleman. Or more specifically, that gentleman are queers and should learn how to be real men so they can get vagina like cool guys (meatheads).
Initial impressions: Rickety Cricket!
What it did right: …
What it did wrong: Oh man, Rickety Cricket, what did you do??? You wrote this piece of shit?
One word summary: Fecal.
Grade: F-minus-minus
# of laughs: Ø
Where they should take it from here: Not one original joke or premise in the entire show. This hunk of garbage was produced by the Always Sunny in Philadelphia crew and written by one of their writers. I obviously overestimated their creativity.
Will I watch again? No and I might stop watching Always Sunny as retribution.

Overall it was a pretty tough start to the new TV season. To my fellow men: Please start watching more TV and buying things so we can have ONE new show that’s not embarrassingly targeting the female viewer.

I can’t take much more of this.

* This is a link but my a-hole brother won’t make it where you can actually tell that something is a link. He says that blue is too gaudy. What a nimshit, huh?

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