The White Michael Vick, by Rosicky Jones

ESPN ran a story a couple of months ago based around the “What if Vick were white?” premise. I did not read the story. I tried, but I could never get past the photoshopped image of a freshly bleached Michael Vick. He looked like Michael Jackson and Brian Austin Greene’s aborted child. It was offensive, not racially, but aesthetically. I assumed the moral of the story was that if Vick were white then America would have hated his dog-fighting ways a bit less. He instead would have been raised in a two-parent household, full of unspoken vitriol and resentment. He then would have gone to Boise State, become a national white-phenom, struggled with anorexia, gone through an emo phase, and then he would have gotten drafted, fought some dogs, but America wouldn’t have cared because he’d have cried on Oprah, written a book called “Kibbles and Vicks,” and hosted an offbeat podcast with Amy Sedaris and Steven Wright.

But all that was conjecture, fabricated circumstances to covertly call white-America racist for hating Vick or at least bait people into discussing the racism. There is a clear divide between Vick fans and Vick detractors. The detractors will never forget, let alone forgive, his puppy-electrocuting ways and his fans will continue to hang onto some sociological explanation of his deeds while reminding people of the substantial debt he has paid for his mistakes. It’s a fun little game to wonder what would have been if someone had been white or hadn’t been white; just the other day my therapist and I came to the conclusion that had Michael Jackson stayed black he would never have become so beloved or so pedophilic. Playing the “what if race-game” is fun when a racial-doppelganger doesn’t actually exist.  But we actually do have the white Michael Vick. His name is Tim Tebow.

When Vick returned from prison there was a large contingency that believed he should have been moved to wide-out or used explicitly in wildcat formations. Those same pundits levy the same tired arguments against Tebow, insisting that his true calling is as a tight-end or something called an h-back.  All these expert analysts are prejudiced. They have been taught one way and believe anything deviating from their prototypical image is not only destined to fail but undeserving of the chance to fail. These voices are just echoes of the people who kept Warren Moon and Doug Flutie out of the league back before I was born. We are repeatedly told that Vick and Tebow have bad mechanics, happy feet, and suck at reading defenses – but we repeatedly watch them win.

The white Vick, just like the real Vick, is involved in a pastime that seems normal to him but is destructive to so many others. Dog fighting and religion, they may seem to be diametric opposites, but are they? Dog fighting has led to the premature deaths of innumerable dogs. Religion has led to the premature deaths of innumerable people.  Dog fighters are constantly trying to breed out undesirable traits. Religion is constantly trying to breed out undesirable traits in humans – looking right at you, camps designed to convert gays into heteros. Dogs rescued from fight clubs are scarred, physically and emotionally, and have a tough time adjusting to the real world. People raised in supremely religious households are also scarred, trained to believe that nearly everything is a sin, and they have just as tough a time dealing with the world’s realities are rescued dogs do. Dogfighters believe that what they are doing is good for the animals that it creates a perfect species designed to carry out the will of their masters. Not too far from what religion attempts to create.

The psychological benefits of the two Vicks fall unbelievably parallel to one another as well. They are beloved by other athletes. Tebow was one of the greatest video-game quarterbacks of all time in NCAA Football and Vick matched him in Madden. There is significant virtual reality-based nostalgia due to the majority of current athletes who spend their free time glued to an X-Box playing with pixelated real and white Vick. Vick is an icon and a pseudo-martyr for everyone from kickers to star wide receivers who pine to play with him. Tebow is a messiah in a world where everyone thanks Jesus for each mundane detail of their day. Tebow is the white Vick because he has legions of followers within the NFL. Free agents flocked to Atlanta to play with Vick and current Denver Broncos upped their efforts to match Tebow’s. The NFL is becoming such a scientific endeavor that the slightest incremental psychic benefits can make the difference between winning and losing. Tebow is the white Vick because his presence, like Vick’s, procures actual psychic advantages. Neither man has reached the heights that Manning and Brady have, and there is a chance that neither will find such glory. But discounting them from making a run at such heights has proven to be faulty so far. There are only a handful of quarterbacks who capitalize on their picture-perfect mechanics and so many more who fail in spite of their prototypical form. If so many prototypes fall short then why can’t a couple of misfits find glory in their wake?  The drawbacks in mechanics and reading defenses may be made up in cumulative increases of teammate’s skills and desire to not lose but to not fail either Vick… Michael or Tim.

For more from Rosicky, click some of the fun buttons below…

Past work on FlipCollective.com.
To follow him on Twitter.
To send him an email.