I am thankful …
1 For all my brothers – blood and black
2 For other rumored siblings
3 For the performance art that is Herman Cain
4 For Paul Shirley, Matt Shirley, Tom Dinard, and my nigga Jenny Bahn – I read them on FlipCollective before I was ever collected
5 For teaching my godson to yell “Herman Cain” at every older black guy who resembles Cain … so at every older black guy
6 For all the anti-bullying campaigns in defense of gay children … but I feel bad for all the fat kids who suffered through decades of torment because Hollywood didn’t want to write songs and make t-shirts about their lives getting better
7 That if I were in charge of the anti-fat-bully campaign I would have definitely named it “It gets thinner”
8 That I wasn’t a good enough athlete to ever go to a Penn State Football camp
9 That I know some pretty knowledgeable white guys who can help me navigate the college basketball season. With the NBA dead I have to start watching NCAA and I am not sophisticated enough to distinguish between bad offense and great defense.
10 For the weed sales of Black Friday
11 For my drug dealer Black Friday
12 That no one was around the one time I pushed Jackie into a parked car ‘cause she was annoying me
13 That I wrote this line: This Herman Cain sexual harassment story reminds me of the Clarence Thomas trial, but that could be due to my personal bias, since all Republicans look alike to me
14 That I wrote this line: Line
15 That I wrote this line: I also really needed to get out of my place because we were watching shit fall out of Sarah Palin’s mouth on Fox News, validating my belief that her Down’s baby didn’t really fall that far from the tree.
16 That I have yet to murder, even though I always form a gun with my hand, point it at people, and shoot it
17 That Whitney the sitcom ruined Whitney the person for me
18 That that girl two weeks ago was 18
19 That a Yorker piece referred to Sarah Silverman as having “model looks,” because this means that if the Sarah “the horse resembler” Silverman is a model then the abortion survivors I’ve bedded are also models.
20 That whenever someone is offended by my abortion jokes and commands me to stop I can always save myself by pointing at them and saying “I’ll start aborting jokes when we stop aborting babies! U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A.” And then the lights dim and Vitamin C’s graduation song plays me out.
21 That this list is done
22 For twist endings cause this list ain’t done muthafucka
23 For actually being done… Happy Thanksgiving
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Sorry to troll your piece muasicky but I’m putting this here for the Detroit angle. Suh is using Shirley’s play book. 1. Deny what the world’s non-lying eyes just saw. 2. Blame the audience for being of swallowing whole a laughable explanation/excuse. 3. Pointedly refuse to apologize but demand forgiveness. 4. Stick head in sand and mistake support from sycophants as global acceptance. 5. Wonder why bad things keep happening and ignore the concepts of cause and effect and karma.
Autocorrected “being of” = “not believing”
cool pic of christiano