“My teacher said I need to work on dialogue.”
“Why’s that?”
“She said it wasn’t interesting. She didn’t care about the characters.”
“Do you agree with her criticism?”
“I guess so.”
“Can you hand me that rolling pin?”
“Yeah. Here.”
“Thanks.”
“So, she said dialogue is the most important factor in characterization. Everything you need to know about a character, you should be able to tell by what they say. She also said I used too many curse words.”
“People fucking hate that shit.”
“Good one. Anyway, I’m beginning to think I might not be the next Stephen King.”
“Hey, don’t say that. Some writing just isn’t for everybody. You’ll find an audience. As long as you don’t quit.”
“I hope so. Hey, you know what would be funny? What if you wrote a piece that was nothing but dialogue?”
“I’m sure that’s been done before.”
“You’re probably right. Hell, that’s basically all Shakespeare did. But what if it referenced that it was nothing but dialogue? What if it was like, self-aware?”
“Did somebody watch The Matrix recently, or …?”
“Well, I did finally see Inception, but that’s neither here nor there. By the way, what do you think? Do you think he was dreaming the whole time?”
“I haven’t seen it yet, ball-sack. Thanks for ruining it.”
“Oh, come on, you should know going into a dream movie that you’re going to be walking out of the theater wondering if it was all a dream.”
“Have you ever seen The Sixth Sense?”
“No, don’t —“
“Bruce Willis is a ghost the whole time.”
“God damn you.”
“So, hey, what were we talking about a second ago?”
“Oh! Dialogue! Yes!”
“Oh. Dialogue. Yay.”
“So, what if there were two people, like us, talking, and it was nothing but dialogue?”
“Uh-huh.”
“OK, and as these two idiots converse, you kind of get an image in your head of who they are, but you’re waiting for the writer to describe them a bit more through dialogue. As a reader, these characters now exist in your universe. You’re just waiting and waiting to, like, sharpen them up a bit.”
“The Inception/Sixth Sense banter might be good to throw in.”
“Definitely.”
“Oh, so like right now, since you’re wearing what looks like a really itchy sweater, one of the characters might say to you, ‘That looks like a really itchy sweater you’re wearing.’ That way, you give the reader the image of someone in an itchy sweater – as well as the other person’s impression of it.”
“Exactly. So then I thought maybe you could throw the reader off by, well … let’s see … earlier, out of nowhere, you wanted the rolling pin. You could have one of the characters ask, ‘Can you hand me that rolling pin?’”
“And then the other dude says-?”
“’Yeah. Here.’ You know, to signify that he handed it to him. The first thing you’ll imagine, most likely, is a mother character. Eventually you figure out it’s actually two men, but the rolling pin throws them off for a second. Maybe I’m overthinking it.”
“Not at all. This would be revolutionary. What would you call it?”
“‘Dialogue Log.’ Seems like a cool title, right?”
“Well, it does rhyme.”
“Actually, it kind of echoes. I think that’s what makes it so appealing. It’s catchy.”
“And you think your teacher will like ‘Dialogue Log’?”
“No way, man. I’m putting this baby on a website.”
“That would be great if ‘Dialogue Log’ got lots of readers. Then they could ‘like’ it on Facebook and tweet it on Twitter. Promote it for you.”
“Ideally.”
“I wonder what people would be thinking about while they read ‘Dialogue Log.’”
“Good question. Maybe I’ll have to include something like that. Maybe I’ll address them through the dialogue.”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
“’Hello, reader of ‘Dialogue Log.’”
“Think about it. You can make them think of whatever you want right this moment. You can put an image in their heads.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s see …”
“Driving a golf cart. Boom. They’re thinking about what it’s like to drive a golf cart.”
“Totally, dude. Dialogue is a very powerful tool.”
“I am a naked man with a beard.”
“Double boom! Image of a naked, bearded man. Impossible to ignore. You’re getting the hang of it.”
“For the artwork that accompanies the piece, you should use something with Scotty J. – Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character from Boogie Nights. That way, through the whole thing, they’ll be like, ‘Why’d he pick a photo of—“
“Look, do you want to write the thing?”
“Sorry. So how’s it going to end?”
“That is the question. The ultimate question.”
“So what’s the answer? Roxy, get down.”
“You know that damn dog lies on that couch all day when you’re not home, right? No point in telling her to get down off of it.”
“That’s it! That could be the ending for ‘Dialogue Log!’ Have one of the characters tell a dog named Roxy to get off the couch and the other say that it does it all the time when no one’s home and that it’s pointless to tell her otherwise. That could be the last bit of imagery. That could complete the scene!”
“Hmm … I don’t know. Wouldn’t that be kind of anticlimactic?”
For more from Hank…
Past work on FlipCollective.com.
To follow him on Twitter.
To befriend him on Facebook.
To send him an email.
